Friday, April 15, 2011

She's Gone



My biological mom died a little more than two weeks ago. It's very sad, very strange and very difficult. My aunt (her sister) wrote me a letter to tell me that my mom had cancer and during surgery to remove a tumor had a stroke from which she never recovered. My aunt said there was nothing I needed to do and my mom left nothing. My aunt said that my mom made some terrible choices in her life but she loved us kids. I hope she is in peace now. I'm at a loss here. I feel like I lost her at 7 years old when she gave me up (I was adopted for the first time at age 8), and then again when I contacted her as an adult and she couldn't do it, and now once more because she's gone. Too much loss really.

I know she loved me and I loved her too. It's a different kind of grieving than I could have imagined though. I suppose I had held some hope that she would have an epiphany and want to be in my life or my kids' life. But it didn't happen and now there's no chance of it ever happening. That chapter is closed. Perhaps it is time to get down to business and do what I've been meaning to do for nearly 20 years now. Time to tell a story, even if only to myself.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry Linda. I can't imagine what that must be like for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending a big hug.

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